Staying at a Moderate

There's a lot of lingo one has to learn planning a Disney vacation. If you decide to stay on property (a must for those of us without a car) you have to choose between 23 resorts and three price categories. My options dwindled considerably when I learned that our free dining promo (more on that later) was only good at "Moderate" resorts. The only other time I went to Walt Disney World, my friend and I stayed at a "Value" resort.  Value resorts are like giant, brightly colored Motel 6's with hundreds of kids running around and their bestretchpantsed mothers waddling after them. Ours was nominally themed after previous decades in pop culture. We stayed at The '90s, so there were giant cell phones and roller blades attached to the massive buildings. The 80s had Rubix Cubes and so forth. "Deluxe" is the third and fanciest category.

This time we are staying at Port Orleans Riverside, one of the four Moderate resorts. There are 2,048 rooms at this hotel in two sections. Disney describes it this way:

          Disney's Port Orleans Resort – Riverside was inspired by rural Louisiana and is nestled alongside the picturesque Sassagoula River. You'll feel welcomed back to a time and place where everything seems to move a little slower and simple pleasures flourish like magnolia blossoms in the springtime.

            Be surrounded by the tranquility of the Louisiana Bayou as you enjoy the hospitality of a picturesque waterfront Resort hotel that embodies the traditions born of steamboat travel, formal garden parties, and mint juleps on the front porch. Take a romantic carriage ride down a shady lane, dine on delicious Southern favorites or simply sit back and relax and let the cool waters of the Sassagoula River glide by.The Guest rooms at Disney's Port Orleans Resort – Riverside are divided into 2 distinctly themed parishes: the stately white-columned Magnolia Bend "mansions" and the quaint backwoods "cottages" of Alligator Bayou.

Now I'll preface this by saying that I grew up in a very politically correct time and place (Northern California in the 90's,) but isn't this whole theme just a little... racially insensitive. In protest I have decided to request a room in "quaint backwoods" Alligator Bayou with the underprivileged majority and forgo my place in the Magnolia Bends mansions. Also, apparently Alligator Bayou is closer to the bus stop.

This romanticizing of the Antebellum South is not unique to Disney, but it does highlight the fetish for "The Simple Past" that is all over Walt Disney World. Obviously, this is all part of the fun, to step into times and places different from our own, and I'll enjoy "sippin' mint julips on the front porch" as much as the next gay guy. But there are people who will come and stay here without thinking about the historical context. At all. And they'll probably request to stay in the Mansions.